Snortables
NasalFuel Prime

NasalFuel Prime

Monthly auto-delivery with escalating dosage recommendations.

$79.99 / month

★ Subscription — auto-delivered monthly

NasalFuel Prime is our premium subscription tier. Every month, you receive a curated selection of Snortables products delivered to your door in a matte-black box that your neighbors will definitely have opinions about.

What sets Prime apart is our Escalating Dosage Protocol™. Each month, we increase your recommended daily intake by 15% based on our proprietary algorithm that factors in your usage patterns, moon phases, and a random number generator we found online.

Prime members also receive exclusive access to experimental products before public release, a quarterly 'State of Your Nostrils' report (generated by AI, reviewed by no one), and priority customer support via our encrypted messaging channel (it's just WhatsApp).

Science Facts

Serving Size: 1 insufflation (if you dare)

Monthly Dosage Increase15% (compounding)
SubscriptionDifficult to cancel
Nostril ReportAI-generated, unreviewed
Experimental ProductsEarly access (untested)
Support ChannelWhatsApp ("encrypted")
Moon Phase FactorWaxing gibbous optimal

* These facts are not facts. Not evaluated by the FDA. Not evaluated by anyone with credentials.

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