Terms of Use

The authoritative terms of use for all Specific Industries properties are maintained at specificindustries.com. View Privacy Policy

Last updated: After the incident.

1. Acceptable Use

Snortables are for nasal use only. We are not responsible for "creative applications" described in your TikTok. Products should be insufflated using the provided Precision Delivery Apparatus or a reasonable facsimile thereof. "Reasonable" does not include garden hoses, leaf blowers, or industrial vacuum systems, all of which have been attempted by customers and none of which we endorse.

2. Liability

By purchasing Snortables you acknowledge that you are voluntarily snorting a powdered meal and that this is, objectively, a strange thing to do. Snortables Inc. is not liable for any adverse effects including but not limited to: sneezing, sinus discoloration, involuntary food memories, nostalgic episodes triggered by the Sunday Roast, or the gradual alienation of friends and family who "just don't get it."

3. Product Disclaimers

Our products are not FDA-approved. They are not doctor-recommended. They are not endorsed by any medical professional, nutritionist, or person with a functioning sense of self-preservation. The "Science Facts" on our product pages are not facts. The science is not science. If you make health decisions based on anything you read on this website, that is entirely on you, and frankly, we admire your commitment.

4. Refund Policy

All sales are final. You cannot un-snort a turkey. We have consulted with physicists and they confirm that the thermodynamic arrow of time prevents the reversal of intranasal nutrient delivery. If you are unsatisfied with your purchase, you may write a strongly worded letter to our Director of Regulatory Avoidance, who will add it to his collection.

5. Intellectual Property

All content on this website — including text, images, product formulas, the concept of snorting a roast beef dinner, and the phrase "From Farm to Nostril™" — is the intellectual property of Snortables Inc. We use the term "intellectual" aspirationally. NasalMill™, NasalAbsorb™, NasalFuel™, and "Why Eat When You Can Insufflate?" are trademarks of Snortables, a Specific Industries company.

6. Dispute Resolution

Any disputes arising from these terms shall be resolved through binding arbitration conducted in our pulverization facility. The arbitrator will be selected by our Head of Pulverization Sciences, who will also operate the wood chipper during proceedings. His decision is final. The wood chipper is also final.

7. Governing Law

These terms are governed by the laws of the State of California, or whichever jurisdiction our Director of Regulatory Avoidance is currently avoiding. In the event of a conflict between state, federal, and international law, we will defer to whichever interpretation allows us to continue pulverizing food and selling it as nasal powder. We have lawyers. Fourteen of them. They are tired.